24.08.2026, 12.01

The numbers of a Monday that I’ll always remember.

Nenek, my grandmama

Nenek left us in her nap. About an hour before, I was napping too, too exhausted from the weekend of spending the night at the hospital and from the gym session earlier that morning. But I woke up, and she didn’t.

The days leading to her passing were painful as I watched her get skinnier and listened to her cries when it became too hard. Dementia had taken her; she no longer had any capacity to take in food. 

It’s been 2 weeks since we buried her. I miss her so much. I know if I want her here with me, it’s purely selfish. But I’ve been mulling a lot about what we could have done better. 

I kept punishing myself for not going to her geriatric appointments, to know the diagnosis right from the start; only knowing of it a lot later when her dementia had progressed, and when I just happened to follow her to her appointment because work wasn’t ‘too bad’ that week. 

If I had known, I’d encourage better simulation for her, better helper training, better everything. I was angry, but I know I can’t be — that the immediate family couldn’t accept her early signs, kept it from the rest of us, and dismissed it as old age, because they probably were not ready to know the person they love can no longer be as whole. 

Maybe me too, but my process was to try to understand the conditions as much as possible so I know what to do to make things better. Maybe we all just have different coping mechanisms.

But despite that difference, I know for sure we’re bonded by her love. 

Thank you, Nenek, for letting me be who I have become, despite my shortcomings and nonsense. I think you’ve raised a decent human bean. Not the best, but is can, haha.

Love you, rest well.